I see that I haven’t posted for a while, so many of you are probably unaware that I have a girlfriend now. Yep, I can see the anti-gay mob scuttling off to their dark corners already, so I’ll post this under the assumption that anyone still reading at very least tolerates the idea of same-sex relationships.
I met Ned (screen name, not real name) a little while back, and it’s been long-distance because we live in different towns. I’ve driven up to see her a couple of times, and this weekend was her first visit to my place. Or my town, for that matter.
I wasn’t sure how I’d go. I’m a loner by nature, and my place is my place, my sanctuary. I can handle my brother living here, but I don’t tolerate visitors well. I figured it’d be a pretty good test of my commitment to Ned to have her stay. So I duly cleaned and tidied, and set up a spare mattress, and then waited for 3:41pm to arrive.
At 2:38pm Ned sent a message that she’d misread her ticket and her bus was due at TWO 41, not THREE 41, so I grabbed my keys and legged it. And thus the weekend began…
… and I discovered my missing half.
I dropped her back at the bus station yesterday because our time was up, and I felt a pain in my chest. “My chest hurts,” thinks I. “I wonder if it’s an arrythmia? Maybe it’s indigestion?”
And then I realised that there was nothing wrong, and everything right. The pain was my heart experiencing loss at the idea of being away from Ned.
I have NEVER felt that way over a guy. I have tried to feel that way, and I’ve faked it pretty well a few times on the outside, but I have never before felt that tearing of essence because someone was going home.
And people want to hate me for that, just because she happens to be female too?